{"id":197,"date":"2019-09-08T17:59:51","date_gmt":"2019-09-08T22:59:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/?p=197"},"modified":"2019-09-08T18:02:24","modified_gmt":"2019-09-08T23:02:24","slug":"day-14-spent-saturday-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/day-14-spent-saturday-alone\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 14: Spent Saturday Alone"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>For Day 14, everyone in my house was out of town so I spent time with myself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Why Was It Uncomfortable?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I enjoy my alone time, so the discomfort wasn&#8217;t from loneliness. It was about <em>choosing<\/em> to be alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It was Saturday, so some friends asked to hang out. Even though I had nothing on my schedule, I <em>did<\/em> have an obligation to <em>myself<\/em> to be alone. It feels weird to say no to someone because you have plans with yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Pressure To Justify My Time<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When I say I&#8217;m busy, the response I get is, &#8220;With what?&#8221; Then I&#8217;m expected to prove I&#8217;m busy. I have to prove that what I plan on doing is more important than what this person wants to do with me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But this person can&#8217;t be the judge of how I spend my time, because they&#8217;re not me. They don&#8217;t know what&#8217;s most important to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What if I&#8217;m busy tonight clipping my toenails? Or I want to stare at the wall? That may be very important to me. Do I have to explain my value system and why staring at the wall is more important than going with you to yoga? &#8220;I&#8217;m busy,&#8221; should be enough. I get first dibs of my time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But are people really asking me if I&#8217;m busy because they want to judge me? Or am I imagining it because I&#8217;m insecure? Probably a bit of both but mostly the latter. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, in making definitive plans to be alone, I&#8217;m testing my insecurity. I&#8217;m proving to myself that I have full control of my time. I can&#8217;t control others&#8217; judgements. And they&#8217;re probably not judging me. But I can get over my insecurity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How I Spent The Day<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Besides coding and working until 2pm, here&#8217; how I spent the day:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Lying on the ground in my backyard<\/li><li>Talking to myself <\/li><li>Lying on my front steps<\/li><li>Ravenously picking berries off the tree on my front lawn<\/li><li>Walking<\/li><li>Going to the playground<\/li><li>Finding and taking in a baby bird<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"769\" src=\"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/steps-1024x769.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-200\" srcset=\"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/steps-1024x769.jpg 1024w, http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/steps-300x225.jpg 300w, http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/steps-768x577.jpg 768w, http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/steps-1600x1202.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><figcaption>Chilling on my front steps.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"649\" src=\"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_4894-1024x649.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-199\" srcset=\"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_4894-1024x649.jpg 1024w, http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_4894-300x190.jpg 300w, http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_4894-768x487.jpg 768w, http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/IMG_4894-1600x1014.jpg 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><figcaption>The only crotch shot I&#8217;m sharing<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>For the most part I stayed off the internet and media too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Embracing Judgement<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes I felt self conscious being alone and doing what I wanted to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I wanted to lie out in the front of my house. But I wondered, what would people think seeing me sprawled out on my front steps staring at the sky for an hour?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then I had a revelation; at worst, they&#8217;ll think I&#8217;m crazy. And if they think I&#8217;m crazy because they think laying on the ground is crazy, then there&#8217;s no way around it- I am crazy. After all, that&#8217;s what I&#8217;ll be doing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So it&#8217;s fine if they think I&#8217;m crazy! By their definition, that just means I&#8217;m lying on the ground. And that&#8217;s true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After accepting that people may think I&#8217;m crazy, my self-consciousness dissipated. I lay on the steps. It almost felt like I was daring the passers-by, &#8220;Go ahead, think I&#8217;m crazy.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What I Learned <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>I can be more assertive about my time.<\/li><li>Don&#8217;t just accept that people may judge you, embrace it!<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Join The Challenge<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>For more information on the challenge, see the&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/30daysofdiscomfort.html\">30DaysOfDiscomfort challenge page<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Want to interact with other participants of the challenge? Join the<a href=\"https:\/\/discordapp.com\/invite\/ESuNPNS\">&nbsp;Discord chat group<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Share your experiences on twitter with the hashtag&nbsp;<strong>#30DaysOfDiscomfort<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For Day 14, everyone in my house was out of town so I spent time with myself. Why Was It&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-197","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Day 14: Spent Saturday Alone - 100 Days of Discomfort<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/day-14-spent-saturday-alone\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Day 14: Spent Saturday Alone - 100 Days of Discomfort\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"For Day 14, everyone in my house was out of town so I spent time with myself. 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