{"id":308,"date":"2019-09-19T18:03:29","date_gmt":"2019-09-19T23:03:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/?p=308"},"modified":"2019-09-19T18:05:30","modified_gmt":"2019-09-19T23:05:30","slug":"day-25-a-stranger-called-me-bitch-then-we-reconciled","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/dashiellbarkhuss.com\/discomfortblog\/day-25-a-stranger-called-me-bitch-then-we-reconciled\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 25: A Stranger Called Me Bitch, Then We Reconciled"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

This discomfort fell into my lap. It wasn’t planned. But I decided to challenge myself by taking risks with my reactions to a stranger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It Begins<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"\"
Coworking<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I spent yesterday co-working with my friend Miriam at Whole Foods. Seated near us, a woman complained audibly about the temperature of her pizza. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She took her pizza back to the pizza station. On her return, I asked if they warmed it up. She misinterpreted the interaction and yelled at me for laughing at her. I tried to calm her down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The situation escalated quickly. “Mind your own business you fucking bitch!” As I kept reassuring her that I didn’t mean to upset her, she repeatedly called me a fucking bitch. I wanted to get her to see everything was ok, but to no avail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She turned back to her food muttering, “fucking bitch.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The interaction was so shocking that I cried a little. Even though I realized the lady was abnormally paranoid, the situation still startled me. And I was disappointed in myself for being unable to calm her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Taking A Different Approach<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I got up to get a tissue for my tears. As I passed her, she called me a fucking bitch again. Instead of hiding in shame, I took an unusual path: I looked at her and I said, “You made me cry.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went back to work. The woman had a pleasant conversation with a stranger. I was jealous of the stranger. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some time passed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went to get a snack. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I came back with my snack, Miriam said, look at your Facebook messages. Miriam sent me a breakdown of what happened while I left the table. The lady harassed Miriam for being a lesbian with me. We aren’t lesbians together, but it just so happens that Miriam is a lesbian.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Time To Take Her Down<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The woman engaged with us once again. Now that I was calm I decided to continue to try an unusual approach. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I said, “I was trying to be friends with you and you were mean to me.” I think this surprised her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She voiced her disapproval in my lesbianism. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I asked her what was wrong with being a lesbian. She explained that God disapproves of it and it’s not right. It’s why we’re having so many floods, she explained. I replied that she might be right, there’s no way to know. I was beginning to disarm her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She said she believes in a higher power. I said I do too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She said god says that it’s not right to be gay. I responded that there are a lot of religious texts and even more interpretations, so there’s no way to know if what we’re doing is against God. But, I emphasized, she might be right and that I really didn’t know. The woman still had an air of disapproval, but she was significantly more calm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I’m sorry if I inconvenienced you,” I said in reference to my lesbianism possibly causing floods. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And- to my shock- the woman, unprompted, extended her hand to me. A peace offering! I couldn’t believe I turned the situation around! We shook hands. I did it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I Learned<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Normally, I would have ignored the woman from the beginning. Instead, I continued to engage with her until I got it right. I knew it didn’t matter what this woman thought of me. But, I value people skills, so I was glad I pushed through and learned something. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though I wish I didn’t cry, I embraced the truth that I did cry. It was embarrassing but it happened. The only way to get stronger is to acknowledge our weak points. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, I embraced my tears so much that I showed the woman. I discarded my ego. It wasn’t important how strong I came off. I just wanted to get through to the woman. I wanted her to see that her actions affect people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the woman called me a crazy bitch I felt attacked. Emotional, I wasn’t able to get a good view of the situation. Conversely, when she called me a lesbian, I knew that wasn’t true. This had an interesting effect on me. It depersonalized the situation, as if I was watching the woman interact with someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result, my emotions were removed. The path to the best actions became clearer. And my relaxed demeanor softened the woman. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wasn’t trying to change her opinion. My only goal was to give her a sense that we weren’t enemies. In the end I got her to accept me, despite her disapproval of my perceived lifestyle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hope that I could approach the situation similarly if the woman did disapprove of who I<\/em> truly<\/em> am. This might be something I want to test in the future. I’m Jewish so maybe I could meet with a Nazi, but man that sounds scary! Anyways, if you know any Nazis send them my way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Join The Challenge<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

For more information on the challenge, see the 30DaysOfDiscomfort challenge page<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Want to interact with other participants of the challenge? Join the Discord chat group<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Share your experiences on twitter with the hashtag #30DaysOfDiscomfort<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This discomfort fell into my lap. It wasn’t planned. But I decided to challenge myself by taking risks with my…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-308","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nDay 25: A Stranger Called Me Bitch, Then We Reconciled - 100 Days of Discomfort<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A stranger called me a bitch and a scolded me for being a lesbian. 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