I don’t post on facebook often but when I do it’s usually:
- To borrow something
- To share a friend’s event
- Nonsense and silliness
So I decided to get serious and post about an insecurity of mine.
The post:
What happened
I got one intense response in a DM. This person was very heated.
I decided to go down another path of discomfort: Part of me wanted to respond back with heat. That’s comfortable. But instead, I didn’t argue. I didn’t try to make myself look smart. Nor make them look dumb. I just listened, asked questions, voiced agreement, and explained my feelings.
Unfortunately, you can try your best and still fail. I think the woman misinterpreted almost everything I said. She got more and more heated, insulted me, and left the conversation.
In the past, this would bother me. But my neutral attitude acted as a blank canvas isolating her behavior. I could see that it couldn’t have been me that made her angry.
If I had responded with anger and tried to make some point at her expense, I wouldn’t be sure that I did nothing wrong. I would wonder, “Am I what this lady thinks I am?”
And I would mask this insecurity by dwelling on how awful she is:
“It’s not me it’s her. Or so what if I did do something wrong? She did something worse! And I can prove it to myself by examining all of her hypocrisies!”
But I had no bad feelings about my actions. So I had no bad feelings about hers. Instead, I figured she must have had an experience that made her react the way she did. And that’s that. That’s the reality of the situation.
Do you want to change the world? How about beginning with yourself? How about being transformed yourself first? But how do you achieve that? Through observation. Through understanding. With no interference or judgment on your part. Because what you judge you cannot understand.
Awareness, Anthony De Mello
Besides this incident, the responses were mixed. Some people felt the same way.
Some explained why someone might unfriend people who disagreed with them.
Two people are kind of getting into an argument as I type this. I am not involved.
All in all, people shared some interesting perspectives. Though, I was surprised the responses were more about the state of the world than helping me get over my insecurities. Does anybody care about me? Once again this discomfort challenge shows that, no, people don’t really care, and maybe that’s a good thing! Do whatever you want, most people are not paying attention to you!
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