Day 8: Vulnerable Facebook post

I don’t post on facebook often but when I do it’s usually:

  • To borrow something
  • To share a friend’s event
  • Nonsense and silliness

So I decided to get serious and post about an insecurity of mine.

The post:

Image of facebook post. Reads as follows: "I've seen a lot of posts on facebook that say if I don't agree with the poster on some issue, they want me to unfriend them.

I could make fun of how silly that is, but that's just a mask for my insecurity. The truth is these posts make me feel really insecure, even if I do agree with the poster.

What if I disagree with them on something else someday? Would they give me the time of day to explain my perspective or would they cut me out of their life before I had a chance?

I would imagine we disagree on something NOW. If we don't, one of us is unnecessary. But part of me hopes we never discover what that thing is! The friendship would die at once!

Am I alone in my insecurity? How would you approach a friend that wanted you to unfriend them because you disagreed with them? Are you afraid to have a difference of opinion with some of your friends?

And for those who have asked your facebook friends to unfriend you because of beliefs, what beliefs would you like me to unfriend you over if we disagreed on them?

Serious answers welcome." End of post.

What happened

I got one intense response in a DM. This person was very heated.

I decided to go down another path of discomfort: Part of me wanted to respond back with heat. That’s comfortable. But instead, I didn’t argue. I didn’t try to make myself look smart. Nor make them look dumb. I just listened, asked questions, voiced agreement, and explained my feelings.

Unfortunately, you can try your best and still fail. I think the woman misinterpreted almost everything I said. She got more and more heated, insulted me, and left the conversation.

In the past, this would bother me. But my neutral attitude acted as a blank canvas isolating her behavior. I could see that it couldn’t have been me that made her angry.

If I had responded with anger and tried to make some point at her expense, I wouldn’t be sure that I did nothing wrong. I would wonder, “Am I what this lady thinks I am?”

And I would mask this insecurity by dwelling on how awful she is:

“It’s not me it’s her. Or so what if I did do something wrong? She did something worse! And I can prove it to myself by examining all of her hypocrisies!”

But I had no bad feelings about my actions. So I had no bad feelings about hers. Instead, I figured she must have had an experience that made her react the way she did. And that’s that. That’s the reality of the situation.

Do you want to change the world? How about beginning with yourself? How about being transformed yourself first? But how do you achieve that? Through observation. Through understanding. With no interference or judgment on your part. Because what you judge you cannot understand.

Awareness, Anthony De Mello

Besides this incident, the responses were mixed. Some people felt the same way.

Some explained why someone might unfriend people who disagreed with them.

Two people are kind of getting into an argument as I type this. I am not involved.

All in all, people shared some interesting perspectives. Though, I was surprised the responses were more about the state of the world than helping me get over my insecurities. Does anybody care about me? Once again this discomfort challenge shows that, no, people don’t really care, and maybe that’s a good thing! Do whatever you want, most people are not paying attention to you!

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