I asked 5 people to take a selfie with me.
Not a single person said yes. However, I convinced 2 people to pose from the neck down. They were self conscious about how they looked.
What Went Wrong?
I thought this one would be easy. But surprisingly not.
I wondered afterwards if the way I looked played a part.
On most days, I look like this:
But today I looked like this:
It was the first time in while I did my hair or make up.
Maybe people thought:
Why is this super hottie trying to take a picture of me next to her? Is she trying to make fun of me?
Or perhaps a mild version of this: Maybe my put together appearance brought their awareness to their own appearance.
Originally, I thought my makeover would help me. Usually I’m dressed in a stained neon hoodie looking like a maniac, asking people crazy questions. Now, I’d be asking a crazy question while looking refined.
But in actuality, maybe if I looked messy people would’ve been more inclined to be photographed next to me.
Do Looks Matter?
When it comes to these challenges, I’ve learned that how you present yourself matters. More so than I originally thought.
For example, when I looked like a cult member, a lady was afraid to play paper scissors rock with me. And when I looked like a lesbian, a homophobic lady called me a bitch.
Could I just be grasping at straws here in order to blame anything but my people skill? There’s possibly a different way I could have asked. Maybe I could be more calm. Was I too smiley? Man, I don’t know!
Asking Why
The most uncomfortable interaction was the couple that asked me why I wanted to take a selfie, and then still told me no without giving a reason.
I forgot to ask the people why they didn’t want to be photographed. Also, when they asked me why, I also had a weird reason. I should have asked if it was weird. That’s what Jia recommends.
Self Concious
What were they thinking? Did they not like me? That’s suck a weird thing to wonder about a stranger, but I really did think about it.
What is this feeling I get when I fail some of these challenges? It’s like I feel, pathetic? Incapable? Rejectable? Yeah, I feel rejectable. Which isn’t a word.
I feel like:
If this person rejected me, society will too. And maybe for good reason. I’m clueless, delusional, weird, offputting, and a bundle of nerves!
Now, I don’t actually believe this. Still, it’s the best way to describe the feeling I get when I fail some of these interactions.
However, the more I get rejected the less it stings. I’m starting to see that there are many flavors of people and moments.
Never take any one instance too personally. One moment you’re getting praised, the next you’re telling a joke that falls flat and offends half the room. It’s all ok. You’re not any one version of yourself in time or space. You’re an infinite being.
From my journal:
I’m clueless. I’m wise. I’m smart. I’m slow. I’m confident. I’m insecure. I need validation. I low status. I’m high status. I command a room. I have no influence. I’m impressive. I’m pathetic. I got my head on straight. I’m a crazy bitch.
It’s all true or it’s all irrelevant. Don’t paralyze yourself over the intensity of one moment, or one facet of yourself.