For day 35 of 100 days of discomfort I met with an old classmate to help him market his show.
I want to get better at selling and marketing, so I offered to help him in exchange for snacks.
We met and brainstormed. I found it intimidating to brainstorm with someone. I haven’t worked with other people in a while.
One of my big discomforts is thinking out loud. I tackled this in the mock code interview challenge.
But today I was trying to think out loud in an area I haven’t been studying every day; marketing. So it was nervewracking.
I’d like to be more comfortable with brainstorming out loud. Or even quietly in front of someone.
I really fear exposing my process. In the past, I protected my process to an extreme, refusing even to work on projects during school hours. I’d wait until I was at home alone to work on a project. Even a group project.
Because I’ve logged every day of my coding progress this year, I’ve become comfortable with revealing my coding process. Now I need to become comfortable revealing my process in other areas, and to people who are better honed in their skills.
What I Learned
I need to have confidence. No maybe confidence is wrong. It’s something else. I just need to not care. Don’t judge your output too soon. Get messy. Put ideas out. Start with messy. Then you can only get better.
With these challenges, it sometimes feels like I’ve overcome all my discomforts. Tackled all my insecurities. But then, one I forgot about resurfaces.
I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others. That’s how I get validation. The root of my insecurities stem from this. When I’m cocky, I focus on how much better I am. Inversely, I devalue myself when I’m worse.
But, when I’m totally secure, I focus on entirely different metrics.
I focus on the process. “Just showing up” becomes front and center. I notice all the micro successes and how failure reveals solutions. Concern for myself fades because I’m simply a tool for ideas and action.
In fact, when in this state, I’ll proudly put out bad work, knowing full well that anyone who judges me doesn’t understand the long term. In the long run, the people who fail a million times succeed a thousand times more than everyone else.
My insecurity comes from the belief I have to be good now. I don’t. Just make. Do. Show up. Everyday. Just try a little. Try to fail even. Free yourself.